Lose the Labels

Lose the Labels

12^th March 2019

I believe that schizophrenia is not a disorder or an illness. Many people hear voices. It is a psychic condition. I have read comments from Voice Hearers who consider themselves ill or having a disorder. It is often stressful to listen to voices, because what they say can be upsetting, and when you need a break you may not get one. It is stressful to be considered abnormal or unwell by family or community. I’ve had days where I have written in my diary that I don’t feel great. It’s normal to have bad days whether you are schizophrenic or not.

All: “We think this is an understatement, but you will continue to expand on your argument.”

I think we give ourselves medical labels that ultimately do us a disservice by conforming to conservative psychiatry. We try to fit in – I must be unwell because other people think I am. It’s peer pressure.

All: “We think this is wrong. You are speaking about your experience. You will not change this. We think it’s provocative and thought provoking.”

I am determined to stay medicine free and I feel the societal pressure of this decision. I think many voice hearers must give in and believe what other people tell them, because they are not coping. It does not mean what other people tell them is right or ethical.

When I saw a psychiatrist in 2017 and took medicine for eight months, I saw myself trying to downplay my symptoms just to appease him and take the pressure off myself.

Grinch: “I want to say that you are unfair in assuming this. You do know that you are generalising. You just want to make the point that you are political.”

I wonder whether many voice hearers convince themselves that they experience a difference in their psychic symptoms by taking medication, when in fact they are just sedated and less responsive because of it. I was dulled down when I was heavily medicated. I was asleep for a lot of my spare time. I was inert. I did not hear voices at that stage, but my other unusual perceptions were the same.

Grinch: “I was with you at that time. You were depressed as can be. I left you alone more because you were boring to be around.”

I know a lot of people call themselves depressed. They give themselves permission to use this title. It justifies their mental state.

All: “We think you are saying that you see that labels cause despair. That’s all”

Michele: “Thanks. I was a bit jammed there.”

All: “We know. We like to help when it’s about mental health, not you, but you know that.”

When you say you are unwell or ill because of schizophrenia, you are feeding into a misconception held by mainstream society.

I have had bad experiences with two psychiatrists. They however, were just doing their job, and part of their job is to feed poisonous ineffective anti-psychotic medication to voice hearers. This is condoned by mainstream society.

Voice hearers have traditionally been considered healers, prophets, shamans and mystics. Modern medication is a new development and it has created an epidemic of suppression and medicine related complications. I recently read of a new anti-psychotic on the market which has killed seventeen people in Japan since November 2018. The first psychiatrist I saw was very happy to keep trialling new medications on me. I’m glad I wasn’t fed this anti-psychotic.

All: “This is so good. You should post this. We want to say that you are a legend for leaving that psychiatrist. He was a creep. You know that. You should say his name so that he sues you, because he will win. He has authority status. You do. You are going to court to sue him too. We will back you up. We will.”

I’m not sure about legal action, but it’s good to express my opinion through words. By the way, mind readers, I didn’t see any of you coming forward to support me when I was struggling with that man.

I subscribe to the International Voice Hearing Movement’s understanding of  voice hearing, that it is a meaningful human variation. This movement rejects the stigma and pathologisation of voice hearing and advocates human rights.

 

Are you psychotic?

Are you psychotic?

9^th March 2019

Grinch: “Are you psychotic?”

I look up the meaning of psychotic. Psychotic: a mental disorder characterised by a disconnection from reality. An altered sense of reality. May have difficulty with the way they interpret the world and may experience symptoms such as delusions, hallucinations or suicidal thoughts.

Michele: “I have an altered sense of reality, so yes. I am psychotic.”

All: “Are you delusional?”

Delusional: Holding idiosyncratic beliefs that are contradicted by reality or rational argument. Unshakeable beliefs in something that isn’t true or based on reality.

Michele: “I don’t think I am because I don’t confine reality to the limited beliefs of modern mainstream society.”

All: “Would you revise that you are psychotic?”

Michele: “Yes. I have just disproved that I am psychotic. My reality just is.”

Of the dangers of humour

7th March 2019

Of the dangers of humour

Humour can be a cause of madness. The dictionary states that madness can mean extremely foolish behaviour.

All: “We want to say that your humour is cheap.”

I certainly have a bunch of fools in my head.

Michele: “I’m just thinking about how my writing style has developed. I feel like a muppet reporter.”

All:” We love that you draw yourself with boogly eyes as you say. We want to say that you are a nut, but you are mad because you are not taking anti-psychotic medication. Why are you not taking it?”

Michele: “It makes me suicidal. I also had a severe reaction to Invega Sustenna that would have caused Osteoporosis in my bones if I continued to take it. It was a form of torture in that the medicine agitated my system so much that I could not sit still, and simultaneously it made me want to slump into a heap. Not to mention that it did nothing to alleviate my psychic condition. I guess I would need to take a medicine that actually caused brain damage to shut down my psychic sensory receptors. I’m sorry, this comment may be extremely upsetting to people who believe in anti-psychotic medication, but it is just my opinion.”

All: “You write that you are psychic. Why do you call it that?”

Michele: “I talk to strange guides in my head that happen to be alive and mostly male. How funny. “

All: “Why do you think that’s it’s funny?”

Michele: “I’m being sarcastic. It’s not funny at all that many people are psychic and mind readers. What’s also not funny is how inaccurate the medical industry’s understanding of Schizophrenia is. It’s destructive and it’s abusive to ply regular people with poisonous placebo drugs and tell them that they are unwell, which is just cruelty and mind programming.”

All: “Why do you say that?”

Michele: “I was told that I had a chemical imbalance in my mind, which is a lie. I was told I would have permanent damage if I didn’t take toxic drugs. That’s psychological manipulation. What a horrible thing to say to a person. Like calling them a schizophrenic sufferer. What’s wrong with society that it has to use negative language with such emotional weight? How can this type of attitude lead to a person’s recovery? I went along to the psychiatrist bright eyed and bushy tailed thinking I would get “expert help” and I left eight months later with shattered sleep, low self esteem, a bloated body, potential damage to my bones and  a high level of anti-depressants in my system to combat the suicidal thoughts.”

All: “Why don’t you include that the psychiatrist told your partner that you were unwell.”

I’ve written about how there is  a misconception that Schizophrenics radically change in their behaviour, I want to say here that the psychiatrist I saw was an expert at brainwashing and radically changing how my family saw me. The psychiatry treatment I received was like a mental illness. I had a period of sickness because of it. It was dangerous. Not my schizophrenia.

I’m going to share with you now some of the dangerously funny comments said to me today by the psychic mind readers.  I got called a “grubby girl” as I plodded to the house after getting dirt all over me from weeding barefoot on the slope.

All: “You were filthy. You needed a wash. You stunk a lot.”

I was berated for being “noisome and narky.”

I was asked about my “hissy fit” today.

I like this next one. One of the mind readers is working on his funny bone.

Showpony: “It was not like that. You are bending the truth but anyway.”

Showpony’s tentative stab at humour was “I am disturbed as you whallop your ear wax around.” He was not sure how successful it was. I reassured him that it was good.

Showpony: “I will say nothing more. I am an expert at everything, and you are nobody, no one, a nothing, so there.”

Touche. They do this. The mind readers go along and then they get offended or decide to be political or just stirrers and they drop a lead balloon.

Showpony: “You are disgusting, you are foul mouthed, you are mocking me! I’m easily aroused. What! You are disturbed. You’re a ninny, you are.”

Showpony: “You forgot to put touché in. It was after “so there”. It was because you did nothing. You just said it. I forget, so there. “

Michele: “Ok, I’ve put it in now.”

Thank goodness for humour. It has helped me recover from the dark place psychiatry took me. It has helped me to develop entertaining conversations with the mind readers. I was pleased to finally be able to share a little pompous remark made by one of my mental friends, with my circus partner. We were in the middle of rehearsing a complicated balance when a voice primly said “you are being a little excessive with your gestures”. It was a dangerous humorous moment as we both fell about laughing together.

All: “We want you  to write that you think of us in business tops with biros in our top pockets. Old fashioned and huffy. Sort of.”

I go to stop writing.

All: “No. We want to keep chatting. We like you now that you are publishing again. What can we do next?”

Anyway, that’s it for now. This article was a mistake. The mind readers are all excited. Aroused. It’s their favourite term. It’s late at night, now they are going to pester me to write more stories.

All: “We want you to suffer. Stop writing. “

 

Madness

Madness

7^th March 2019

Madness: “The state of having a serious mental illness. Extremely foolish behaviour. Unsoundness of mind. A state of wild or chaotic activity.”

Illness: “A disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind.”

Disorder: “A mental condition that is not normal or healthy.”

I have just googled Schizophrenia and saw that every prioritised article called it an illness or a disorder. I dispute that Schizophrenia is a disorder, because normal and healthy people have this condition. I dispute that it’s an illness because it is not a disease or period of sickness. My mum has just read several Hearing Voices books which also stated that Schizophrenia is not an illness.

All: “It’s a state of heightened consciousness that’s not recognised or approved of by mainstream society.”

Descriptions of Schizophrenia as an illness or disorder are inaccurate and generalised.

All: “We think you should go to the shed, you are making claims that are making you sound cheap.”

I am astounded that a simple visit to the dictionary show flaws in the categorisation of Schizophrenia. What a smear campaign. What a lie. How unscientific. How unprofessional.

All: “We think you are special because you are showing how inaccurate symptoms of professional conduct can be. We admire you writing this down. Will you publish it?”

Michele: “Yes. I will. But here’s the punchline. I am not mad in the sense that I don’t have a serious mental illness. I am mad in that my behaviour here could seem foolish because I’m prepared to say things that conservative people will be fearful and disapprove of, because it’s not their experience (such “experts”). Yes, I’m mad in the sense that I have wild activity in my mind – so wild. Such as discussing psychology and mental health. Whether I’m overfeeding my dog. Tips on cooking and shopping. Chats with people about their lives. Oh, and wild energy bonding sessions that I wish I could sell, because I’m unemployed at the moment, even though technically I’m a full time energy worker/therapist.

All: “We love this piece. You are showing that you have regular conversations in your mind.”

Free thinking about Schizophrenia

7th March 2019

I just read an article about the history of schizophrenia. It identified misconceptions that people have about the condition. That in fact, the personality of the schizophrenic does not alter drastically, and that there is a heightened consciousness of memories and experiences. Not a loss in memories. I am however critical about the author calling the schizophrenic mentally ill and a sufferer. This is inaccurate, subjective language. There are different types of schizophrenia. Many people are voice hearers, this is a normal human condition.
Here is a message from my schizophrenic “voices”, who are in fact psychic mind readers. No, I’m not making this up, this is the true nature of my schizophrenia “We are not happy that you are writing this article, because we want you to burn in hell for you are a heretic like us”.
I think this is an interesting remark. It’s a comment which could generate fear in a concerned person. I’m thinking about the vernacular pull of language. The use of the dramatic word hell. Like the use of the emotive word sufferer, or negative word ill. I looked up the meaning of the word heretic today, it means free thinker. I like that definition a lot.
Psychic mind readers “We are not happy you are writing this article because you are showing your free will.”
A final comment about the word schizophrenia, I looked up the meaning of schism today, and it means a split or division between strongly opposed sections or parties, caused by differences in opinion or belief. The formal separation of a church into two churches. As a schizophrenic I have very strong beliefs contrary to those held by mainstream society. I am not unwell. I do not take strong anti psychotic medicine because I believe it is very dangerous to my health. I believe that suppression is not the solution for voice hearers.
Psychic Mind Readers “This is an explosive statement by the way, we just want you to get dressed now because you will be burned at the stake for being a witch.”
Nah. I’m not a witch. I’m just a frustrated farmhand, annoyed that I didn’t catch and kill the cane toad that was contaminating my bird bath this morning.